Big Frick Dot Com

OK, it’s honesty time. I was getting out of the shower today and happened to glance in the mirror. Holy crap I’m fat. I am not plump or big boned or whatever else you want to call it. I am truly, truly fat. As a kid I was what was called at the time “Husky”. I can assure you that there was no greater embarrassment for me as a young boy then to enter a department store with my mother to buy new school clothes and have her approach some random sales clerk and say in a voice loud enough to be heard on the street over the traffic noise and police sirens “Husky boys? Where are the husky boy clothes?” I think I would have rather gone to school in a potato sack and my sister’s leotards then go on that annual odyssey in search of the remarkably unfashionable charcoal grey slacks in the Husky Boys Department. You would think that this spine tingling degradation would have had some effect on my eating habits, but you would be wrong.

Through grade school I was always the biggest kid in the class. And in high school at 6’2” I was big enough to actually have some of my high school teachers a little intimidated by me. A fact which I found useful on more than one occasion. I have been big my whole life but I never really thought of myself as fat. Oh I may have joked about it, but I never really felt it. But as the years have gone by my caloric intake has increased to that of a family of four and my exercise level has decreased to just under that of Stephen Hawking. I know I should lose weight but that would require some personal responsibility and a commitment that quite frankly I am just not willing to commit to. And that’s when it hit me like a McDonalds Breakfast Burrito meal with an extra hash brown on the side…………………..Liposuction!!!!!!

So checked with my insurance carrier and, believe it or not, Liposuction is not covered under my policy. It is my understanding that obtaining Liposuction is pretty easy as there are any number of clinics that specialize in the procedure. Just paging through a recent edition of a local magazine I found at least 5 clinics that showed prodigious results in their before and after pictures. The downside is that it is a fairly expensive proposition. Far more then I could afford or at least cared to spend. So even though this medical procedure could improve my life immeasurably on a physical, mental and emotional level, I was doomed to continue to live with the results of my own dietary decisions and actions. How very unfair I thought.

And then, just like before when I was hit by a clever metaphor, it dawned on me. Instead of calling it Liposuction what if we called it an abortion! BINGO! Problem solved! If we call it an abortion I can get the government to pay for the solution to my inability to take personal responsibility. The federal government has seen fit to bankroll thousands of abortions every year, why not my Liposuction? Both the benefits and the cause seem eerily similar.

Abortion proponents claim it would be blatantly unfair to deny a woman the right to a beneficial medical procedure simply because she doesn’t have the financial wherewithal to pay for it. Me too!They claim that the emotional and financial burden would be detrimental to the woman’s overall well being. Me too! I can assure you it was emotionally distressing looking in that mirror this morning and have you ever seen the prices they charge for 3X shirts?

They claim it is the woman’s right to do as they see fit with their own body regardless of how it got into the condition in the first place. Me Too! And it seems to me the cause in both cases is a lack of personal responsibility in realizing the consequences of coming in contact with too many wein……………………….well that one is just too easy.

Yep, it’s honesty time. And I can honestly say I think I have a plan that makes sense for the hundreds if not thousands of fat guys who need a second or third or fourth chance for a happier and more dignified life. Who needs personal responsibility when we have politicians who would be happier then a fat guy at a pizza buffet to add another special interest group of beneficiaries to their hand out programs. And as Hillary Clinton so aptly put it “I don’t know what everybody is so worried about. We’re talking about federal dollars here.”