The McCain Prophecy Fulfilled
I don’t watch a lot of the celebrity news shows.
Sorry TMZ, Access Hollywood and the rest, but you just can’t depend on me for that 55 year old, conservative white guy demographic you have been craving.
I find most of the news today about the so called celebrities to be nothing but boring voyeurism about people I either don’t know or could absolutely not care less about. I know these sensationalized tabloid news shows seem to be multiplying exponentially so someone must be watching, which actually surprises me as most of the regular television news shows have become far more concerned with juicy tidbits of fluff than nuts and bolts news.
Even though I am not an avid follower of celebrity dirt, it dawned on me that I have not heard much lately about even the most prominent standard bearers of bad behavior amongst the current class of pop idols.
Is Brittany Spears no longer crazy or did she just hire better bodyguards? Is that little boy Paris Hilton still around or did an El Niño northwester blow her wispy frame off to the nether regions never to be heard from again? Did Brad and Angelina decide to get back to making movies and close their United Nations daycare center? Did Amy Winehouse ever end up going to rehab or is she still saying no,no,no?
These were all household names for so long that even I notice the absence of news about them. Every news show, every hour of every day was covering some form of debauchery from these infamous A-Listers. I wondered, is it possible they all grew up and became responsible citizens? Could it be that these jeunesse dorée had actually decided to step out of the limelight?
And then it dawned on me.
The reason I haven’t been kept abreast of the coming and goings of these megastars is that they have all been cast into the shadow of the one who shines brighter than all of them put together. There simply isn’t enough broadcast airtime or newspaper ink space to waste on these Hollywood elites because all of it is being taken by the young community activist turned president, the Anointed One, Barack Obama and his wife Michelle.
Nobody cares if Brittany dropped another baby if they can hear about what kind of mustard Obama likes on his burger. Nobody cares if Lindsay Lohan is drunk driving her Rolls Royce into her lesbian lover’s garage door if they can watch videos of the Obama’s new puppy taking a leak in the White House rose garden. Nobody cares if Brad Pitt had to actually carry his own quadruple-wide baby stroller through LAX if they can read the list of Obama’s latest i-Pod downloads. Nobody cares if the weight of Amy Winehouse’s tattoos actually pulls the meat off her bones if they can hear what appetizers Barack and Michelle had for dinner and the type of buckles on her shoes. And it doesn’t matter what the report is as each detail is met with the same gleeful approval.
In Chicago the city council advocated banning the sale of foie gras (goose liver pâté) at all restaurants and food stores. The reason was to placate vocal animal rights advocates who bewailed the cruel treatment of force feeding the geese to fatten up their livers to extreme proportions. One by one Chicago aldermen, complete with videos of the geese having hoses jammed down their throats and being pumped like a basketball, stood before news cameras to put a pox on the tasty paste. Yet when Barack Obama enjoyed foie gras during his recent visit to France nobody blinked an eye.
During the campaign the press was in a frenzy to snatch receipts of every outfit down to the underpants worn by Sarah Palin to portray the reckless spending of the Republicans. Michelle Obama even chimed in on the Tonight Show discussing how she prefers to shop the sale racks at J Crew for her mix and match ensembles. Now the adoring media is gasping with delight in anticipation of every new high fashion designer outfit worn by the first lady, including the ones she wears to walk that new puppy.
During the campaign John McCain was roundly criticized for the ad he ran comparing Barack Obama to the high profile celebs. Even Paris Hilton expanded her vocabulary enough to discuss her displeasure of the ads on the Larry King Show. Now poor Brittany and Paris can’t buy front page news space anymore.
Barack Obama – Superstar
John McCain – Prophet
Excellent, as usual!
I'm still amazed that Walgreens obviously has enough people buying those ugly plates to keep restocking them with new pictures… I mean, really.
I don't care if he eats otter guts with a side of sea-buttered narwhal horn… I'd just like to see less bling-bling baseball caps and commemorative coasters when all I'm hearing about is how my taxes need to go up to accommodate all the people who have no money. Something tells me the profit from these happy meal toys isn't going toward the rising costs of Medicaid…